I’m killing my loneliness

Yeah I thought I start my blog with that cause I think it suits me up atm. My ultimate goal in my life right now is kill my loneliness. Cause it’s been going on for too long.

Why am I alone? Simple. It’s cause I’m not sociable enough. I’m always too afraid or too shy to talk to ppl but I am doing my best.

Now what cause me to be a loner for many years? I got bullied and I fall out with mates that were not loyal, helpful or didn’t care. Also I been through two mental breakdowns in my life. One in Secondary School (high school for the Americans) and other was in College back in 2005. It was rough and for the longest time I was indoors being a hermit, which is a term in Scotland. A hermit is a person who lives alone, away from people and society. That’s what Hermit means and I was a hermit for many years. I missed out my late teen years and most of my 20’s due to shutting myself out.

It’s not cool or great. It was hurting my relationship with my family who supported, help me out a lot and was showing loyalty. I feel like I wasn’t a good person tbh to them. I wish I could go back and write those wrongs but I can’t. I got to focus on now & future.

That’s why my social media is full of positive memes and mental health stuff cause I feel like it should be talk about. Especially since I’m living in it still. Even though my life is massively improved. I’m getting there and I’m getting there. One step at a time.

No one should be alone. Don’t think like that, you deserve someone who cares, understands and accepts you for who you are. Everyone needs somebody, someone. No one should walk alone. It’s shit. You may not realise that til it’s too late. Having great friends and a loving partner should mean the world to you. That’s more than any money can buy. Ppl don’t realise that. Cause everyone is on the fuck ppl bandwagon and tbh I’m sick & tired of that.

Let’s get along. End all this bullshit and needless hate. I see it everyday on social media and it makes me want to quit. But reason is that there’s ppl who feel the same way too. I mean let’s all be positive ppl. Help each other out and end this depression epidemic we’re in right now. 

Depression and anxiety are both the world’s biggest killers. It’s up there with cancer. And yeah it should be addressed, more & more. So ppl can stop complaining over nothing, accept ppl for who they are (or don’t bother them if you can’t, just don’t do any harm), be kind, help ppl out and generally do something about it. Always be a good person, it’s not hard. Don’t take life too seriously and just learn how to chill. Find ur happy place and go there. 

Whatever floats your boat but remember every boat is different and you got to accept that. Don’t live that boat? Paddle the other direction. It’s that easy. 

But no matter what direction you’re taking, they’ll be others who will follow, help you and love you for who you are. No matter what. That’s a true relationship. Don’t paddle alone cause that boat ain’t moving til you have a loyal friend, family member or partner. That’s the true key to happiness. 

I’ll leave yous some of my favourite positive vibes memes. So you can remember that you should embrace your positive and remember what’s in your head is a lie. Anyway thanks for reading everyone, appreciate it and take care everyone. Much love! 😎✊🏻

MY LONELINESS, ISOLATION, DEPRESSION AND ASD (ASPERGERS)

Hey there everyone hope everyone is doing well. And you’re doing great with whatever you’re doing.

Sorry I’ve been quiet on the blogs and talking to yous. I’m pretty inactive these days. Reason is I’m quite down a lot. If any of yous read my last couple of blogs you know why. But if you haven’t, it’s all in this blog below

Click here

Basically I’ve been battling mental illness for a while. Due to bad luck with ppl which has made me a loner for most of my life. And it’s a daily struggle.

I’m more understanding than others due to my own mental health battles and dealing with bad situations. I lost two of my best friends to an awful disease they both have, lost two of my uncles due to alcoholism, drop out of my first college cause I was a stoner due to being a loner in that college, etc etc. Theirs so much shit I went through to be the person I am today. Glad my life is laid back but I want to hang with good people outside of my family circle u know. My family are awesome but I want friends & a gf down the line, who knows.

Being on social media doesn’t help me either. Every time I’m on there, there’s a post on there that either depresses me, makes me feel self pity and envy. Cause I look at some of the ppl I follow’s stuff on social media and their just showing their good side & I think to myself “I wish that was my life” you know. Their so happy and having a blast with mates. I get Envy from it u know. I’m sure everyone feels like that. But I get it the most. Especially with girls I follow who always post pictures of them with friends, going out (looking great btw) and just having fun. In one hand I’m happy for them, I’m happy their having a great time. But at the same time it depresses me since my life is the opposite of that. I’m always indoors and in my room alone. It’s not healthy.

I wish there is a solution to my problems but finding something to do, the right crowd & proper help in my town is extremely hard. So I’m doing my best to move to close to the city like either Glasgow or Edinburgh since I’m from Scotland after all lol. But realistically I should be over there to get to A and B.

A lot of this is hard for me due to having ASD, which is Aspergers. Even though ppl never notice it cause I’m “normal” but I do have it. I just easily emotional and sensitive than others sometimes. Even though I control myself better that nobody notices. But I do my best. Sometimes when I tell that to ppl, I feel like it drives ppl away. Like it’ll feel like work hanging with this guy u know, but I’m so laidback and easygoing.

But I hate feeling like my mental health issues drives ppl away cause it’ll make them feel like it’s too much work or they rather not hang out with me or talk to me. Idk why, I do my best. It’s all you can do right.

Just wish someone could understand me, accepts me and appreciates me for being me cause I should be having friends. I’m easygoing, laidback, love to have a laugh, into nerd stuff, good taste in music, loves to get active, can cook (a woman loves a man that can cook, why am I still single lol) and so forth. Just bad luck and being in the wrong places over years has made me a loner. I blame the social services in my area, their terrible. But I rather not get into that. Long story short their history.

Yeah I do my best to cope with my boring unsociable life as I do. It’s all I can do really. No choice. But it could be worse. Least I have an awesome family, who without them. I would be in a even worse shape. And I’m always improving. One step at a time.

Yeah just thank you guys & gals. And thank you for reading. I do appreciate it, really I do mean it. I don’t want to come across as corny prick here lol but I do appreciate everyone’s support, comments, reading and just being a follower. And hopefully my blogs helps everyone out there too that’s going through a bad situation, who’s mentally unwell, etc.

I’m always up for a chat so feel free to follow me on Snapchat & Instagram at kungfury87. I usually positive vibes since I feel like it’s important cause I believe it does help to remind ppl that you’re not alone. Keep hanging in there and things will get better.

Anyway cheers again for reading, commenting, liking, etc. Much love